Why is it, that the longer my “task list” gets, the less motivation I have to do any work? I currently have a tasklist of 11 items — all things that need to get done today (well, all but 2) and I’m having the hardest time forcing myself to start on any of them. Its like the more out of control I feel, the less motivation I have to get back in control.
This is the part, again, where I just want to go hide in a corner, instead of facing the reality that I’ve made for myself. The reality is, however, I’ve been letting things pile up because my perspective (and past expereince) tells me that once I make a decision, or complete a task, a directive from above is given which changes, or even discounts my efforts.
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life hippy
Apparently, my appetite is like 99% related to emotion. From my brief experience, lack of appetite is a nice change of pace.. I’d like to keep it this way.
I’ve realized that my life has always been completey driven by food. No activity went on without the thought of food before, during and after. But the past couple of days have been like heaven; a total mental break. I have enjoied food — when I make myslef eat it; but I have no desire to eat. I feel hungry, but eating is not something that comes to mind. Its weird.
So, is it normal to have life revolve around food, and food revolve around life? Or is it more normal to think food as another task for the day? Makes me wonder, am I “normal” or “abnormal”? Are my habbits and quirks and instincts closer to those of the majority or the minority? And which group is considered “normal”? I believe, that I am in the majority, howerver, I am “abnormal”. Therefore, “normal” behavior is defined by the minority. Seems a bit backward to me.
life hippy
Apparently, I’m in hiding. Hiding in the corner with my dogs, actually. Oh yes, and I have a short neck.
So, I got some new drugs last week. Effexor. If that doesn’t work for me, we’ll try Celexa. If that doesn’t work, we’ll try Paxil again.
I can’t figure out if I’m a sane girl trapped in a crazy girl’s mind; or a crazy girl stuck in a sane girl’s mind.
Effexor. Catchy, huh? Marketing genious — Effexor, its effective. Because they all know that we’re desparate to find the right drug, the one that will really work, really make us feel better, one that has an effect. So, Effexor catches our attention.
Hubby and I went to a tattoo convention this weekend. That was one of the coolest things I’ve done in a long time. I almost got inked when I found an artist who had a pick of a custom gecko that the had done, and was going to design one for me. I decided to wait, though, untill I have a better self-image– so that I can proudly show it off.
Nick also found an artist who does fantastic coverup work. Nick has a tattoo on his left arm that’s not very well done, and has faded considerably. A couple of years ago, he was told that it couldn’t just be “redone” because it needed to be covered by all dark colors. Well, the artist he talked to yesterday said it wouldn’t be a problem to redo it in the same sort of style. He’s in Chicago, so we might take a road trip in a few weeks to get Nick a new tat.
Oh, and did I mention I another dog and a promotion?
life hippy