Plunge

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve taken the plunge. For well over a year now I’ve thought about seeking the help of a mental health counselor, but I’ve always felt silly about it, figuring there’s too many people much much worse off than I am.

About this time last year, I started noticing that things weren’t right. I’d be grumpy and tired at work all day, come home and collapse on the couch until it was time to go to bed. I’d get up the next day and do it all over again. I did get a little bit of exercise in — I swam 3 days a week, and didn’t miss a practice unless it was for a good reason, but that was about it. Then, I stopped wanting to have sex — and it wasn’t about Nick, I just was not interested AT ALL!

I had an appointment for a physical anyway, and I mentioned the no sex thing to my doctor, who gave me a questionaire and decided that I was clinically depressed and should be medicated. So, I became medicated, and life was grand. But now, here I am, 10 months later, still medicated, and falling right back where I started from. As I described it to Nick earlier, ” i just feel like i’m being eaten alive from my insides out.. and i don’t like that very much”

Sound a little melodramatic? Yeah, thats what I think when I read it.. but it does feel like that sometimes.. I just want to be happy and normal.. Is that too much to ask?

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