I consider myself a liberal person. I consider myself to be fair and open minded. I vote for the democrat in 9 out of 10 elections. But in terms of Family Law, I am ashamed to admit my liberal persuasion. Admittedly, 5-6 years ago, I would have agreed 100% with what I read about so-called deadbeat dads, and fathers who “abandon” their children. I would have cursed them and argued any points from the father’s side saying “its all for the good of the children”. Well, now, I say FUCK THAT.
After a third request for money by an ex this weekend, I was once again sparked to find some logic in child support laws/formulas, etc.. everytime I do, I feel a a little more ashamed of myself, and anyone else who’s in some way contributed to this shit that we have before us.
2 specified amounts of money are taken from Nick’s paycheck every payday — money that he earned but never sees. This money is sent to each of the mothers of his 2 children. In many ways, we can consider ourselves lucky that neither mother has contested the amount received, because apparently it is somewhat low for “the times”. (Note — the next series of sentances are my opinion of how things should be, not necessarily how things are). In my mind, when 2 people make children and then decide that they cannot raise that child together — for whatever reason — they are still involved in a partnership that will exist for the length of that child’s life.
When a parent decides they want to be the custodial parent of a child, that decision comes with a whole bag full of responsibilites that are to be assumed by the custodial parent, such as:
–Food
–Clothing
–Shelter
–Education
–Support
–Health and wellfare
–Overall responsibility for the child’s well-being.
When parents separate, and one parent says “I’m taking the children”, that is a conscious decision they are making, and they agree to provide the things on the list above. This decision should not be made if that party cannot adequately provide the things on that list to his or her children.
Do I think that the non-custodial parent should not be financially responsible for his or her child? No, I don’t think that at all. But I do think that the non-custodial parent should be responsible for sharing the constant cost of:
–Food
–Clothing
–Education
That is — the formula should read more like:
–An average family of x spends n amount of money per week on food. 25% of that can be attributed to the child in question, 50% of that 25% is the responsibility of the non-custodial.
–An average teenager needs n amount of year per month for clothing. Divide that number by 52 (weeks /year), 50% of that number is the responsibility of the non-custodial parent.
–If the child is in private school before the divorce, then the cost should be split equally between the parents. If the child is not of school age before the separation, then BOTH parents need to decide where the child should attend school. If the custodial parent decides that the child needs private school, but the non-custodial parent disagrees, then the non-custodial parent should not be responsible for any tuition costs.
–Non-custodial parent should be responsible for 50% of healthcare costs, and the custodial parents MUST abide by the guidelines of the heatlh insurance to minimize out-of-pocket fees.
I don’t account for shelter in child-support because even though the custodial parent has to provide shelter with adequate room for her/his children, the non-custodial parent also needs to live in quarters large enough to accomodate his/her children on visitation wekends.
Here are my issues with our case specifically:
We pay x amount per month in child support. Additionally, we are responsible for 70% of health care costs for the older child, and 100% of health care costs for the younger child. Mom1 trys to make herself look good by offering split the medical costs 50/50, but then asks for 1/2 of every penny she spends on him. She actually had the balls once to ask for money to buy him a bed for her house. And you can be damn sure that Mom2 sees to it that every penny of that 100% is paid for by us, even though she’s got a full-time, salary job that provides health insurance. Our money has helped both of them to get college degrees, and for the years that mom2 was in college, my younges step-son looked like a walking garage sale. And the years that mom1 was in college, my oldest step-son ate chef-boy-r-dee for dinner most nights.
I don’t begrudge those children anything, emotionally, I treat them as my own and love them very much. Kid yoursevles all you want, but child-support is not about the children, it is about the parents. I know many women who raised their children alone, without the benefit of child support — some would never have even considered asking for child support, because it was their choice to raise that child alone. duh.
