Corporate Hippy

From Wikipedia:

Hypocrisy is the act of pretending that one has beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities or standards that they do not actually have; this is usually done in order to mask their actual motives or feelings; falseness.

The term hypocrite is widely misused. Many persons state that hypocrisy is the action of ‘not practising what you preach’. It is easy to see the resemblance, and completely understandable why there has been widespread confusion. However, this, like many others, is an incorrect definition.

From Dictionary.com:

hy⋅poc⋅ri⋅sy

1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.
2. a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude

Synonyms:
1. See deceit

I’ve recently been aware that I’ve  misunderstood the meaning of the word hypocrisy – I was one who believed the meaning to be ‘not practicing what you preach’.  I’ve often felt hypocritical in my actions when they do not align with the things I say or believe.   And, while I’m somewhat relieved that I’m not actually a hypocrite, I’m left looking for a word that describes the conflict I feel and struggle with.

Conflict.

For example, I firmly believe that buying my produce from local farmers is the best choice for all involved, yet its rare that I actually purchase my produce from local farmers.  By definition, this is not a hypocritical act, but I’m still very conflicted about it.

The conflict is about choosing convenience over food that I know will taste better.  I choose to eat food that has travelled the country before getting to my refrigerator because the produce is more accessible to me and my crazy-life-schedule.  This feels entirely hypocritical because I have been known to preach about the personal, social and ecological benefits of local eating, yet I do not default to this practice.  However, according to the dictionary, hypocrite is not the right word.  But somehow, conflict does not seem like the right word either.

For me, local eating is a goal that requires a lifestyle changes, and I’m working on that.  One day, I hope to make local food my default, and cross-country food the exception.

But, what about the Tahoe that we recently bought?  One friend told us we needed to turn in our hippy cards due to this purchase.  Another friend simply said “dude, I thought you were supposed to be earthy?”.  My feeling on the subject is this – being earthy does not mean I need to suffer on road trips in a small, underpowered vehicle.  It also doesn’t mean that I need to spend entirely too much money to get a hybrid version of the same vehicle to make myself feel more smug.  I do not feel I need to martyr myself by  being miserable on vacations for the sake of saving some gas.  Also of note – this is not a daily driver for either of us.  When one of our other (admittedly gas-guzzling) vehicles dies, we will likely replace it with something small and environmentally more friendly.

This, I suppose is the root of my internal (and external) struggles with finding my place in life and keeping my focus.  I try my best to make decisions that first benefit myself, and second benefit my community, my environment, my world.  I struggle to not let my direction be guided by societal norms and stereotypes, but it is a difficult line to walk when I’m keeping my feet in two different worlds.

corporate hippy

Over the past few months, I’ve sort of “checked out” of the cyber-world.  Trying to keep up with too much noise on the internet was starting to cause problems for me at work, and so I shut it all down.  I really needed to figure out how to focus.

First to go was the MMBA forums, and I can’t say that I’ve missed them at all.  It was where I spent most of my time – and there was really no value in it.  Without the MMBA forum to start me rolling, it was easy to let go of the other forums I browsed.  I was surprised how quickly I detached from ask.metafilter.com, which was another huge time-waster for me.  Facebook became out of control quickly as my friend list just kept growing and growing and I was drowning in status updates.  So, it was easy to stop going there all together.  I have a few friends set up for SMS notification when they update, and that was the only real Facebook contact I’ve had.  I’d already lost the attention span it takes to update the blog due to the Facebook storm, so that was an easy one to go.  Sadly, though, I also stopped reading my friends’ blogs as well.

Well, it has been a nice hiatus, but I realize I can’t go on like this forever.   While I really have no intentions of going back to any forums, I’ve figured out how to streamline Facebook a bit so that I only see updates from people that I’m really interested in seeing updates from.   Soon I plan to revisit my google reader and focus that on what’s most important to me.  I’ve got so many subscriptions in my google reader that its just too overwhelming to think about right now. (focus, Marty,  focus).

And today, I’m reintroducing myself to my blog.

I’ve decided, though, to make a change.  I’m obviously no good at the “daily life of me” blog.  Things happen every day that I think about turning into blog posts, but I can’t compose them into a blog post quickly enough that they’ll still make sense in the context of my life.  By the time I sit down long enough to think about posting on a subject, it feels old and irrelevant.  So, I’m eliminating the concept of time as having relevance on this blog.  Instead, I will post once per week – no more, no less – about a topic.  There will still be the occasional ride posts, and in the winter, there may be more knitting posts as well.  But for the most part, I’m going to try to focus my posts.

I want to use this blog to explore the conflicts, resolutions and general encounters I experience while living a lifestyle I call “Corporate Hippy”.  To keep focus, I plan to write on the following topics:

• Cube Farm life
• Commuting
• Dreadlocks
• Body Art
• Biking
• Knitting
• Technology
• Personal

I hope to really stick with this, and I hope you stick with me too!

corporate hippy

This time last year, Ray’s Mountain Bike Park held a women only day at the park.  It was on a Friday and my friend Kristi was planning on going.  She and I went down together on Friday, stayed overnight and the boys came down to meet us on Saturday.

I didn’t think I was going to be able to go this year because of the MMBA annual meeting on Sunday – in Lansing this year.  But, when we were at Ray’s a few weeks ago, Nick suggested I go just for the Friday-women-only part.  For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me.  Kristi was game, and so I took the day off work and we hit the road at 7:30 am yesterday.  A great way to spend my birthday, I say.

I just can’t seem to express how great this place is.  And to be able to go there on a day when its not open to the public (read: really crowded) is just so fantastic.  And then, to have awesome women instructors in every section is the best birthday present I could have asked for.  I had a great time .. for a little while ..

Before lunch, I was working on the rock garden in the beginner room and after a clean run through, I went for a little more speed on my second run.  Well, I lost my line and as I was falling, I put my foot down .. and my ankle twisted .. then my knee twisted .. and then the whole leg collapsed underneath me ..

Years ago, I sprained my knee while downhill skiing .. I don’t think it ever fully recovered ..

So, I was laying on the rocks, my leg collapsed underneath me, and my bike on top of me – I was kind of still “strattling” the bike – with my left leg underneath me, and my right leg still over the bike.  I was stuck.  And as I was trying to straighten my left leg, I felt exactly the same (although MUCH less intense) as when I was laying on that ski hill .. I was pretty sure my day was done at that point ..

So, we hung out for lunch and swag and Kristi went out to ride some more .. I was gonna use my fancy camera and grab some video .. I was heading into the intermediate area when I saw a group of women looking concerned over a women who had fallen.  It was Kristi.  She’d gotten caught with no momentum at the end of a line and as her bike was slowly-coming-to-a-screaching-hault, she had somehow managed to twist her ankle – one that she had sprained badly in September or October.  So, she hobbled back to the table where our stuff was, and we decided it was time to call it a day

Regardless – it was a fantastic day.  I got to spend ~30-45 minutes in the pump track (its usually too crowded to go near the pump track there) .. and I worked on a line in the intermediate room that I was scared of – and totally cleaned it 3 times in a row.  I cleaned the rock garden in the beginner room on my first shot (also usually too crowded to try).  I met some fantastic women, and there were quite a few women back from last year – which was really cool.

I absolutely, highly recommend this event – its already scheduled for the same weekend next year!  Nina and Dirt Rag put on a really great event and all of the women are so energetic, patient and supportive.  It is really a welcoming environment for women of ANY level.  Fantastic!  Happy Birthday to ME!

And, the knee will be allright.  With some ice and ibuprophen, I was pretty mobile as long as I was careful – walking is fine, but I have to be very careful to not twist or turn.  Stairs and downhills are tough because its very wobbly and doesn’t want to take the weight of me by itself.  But – it was no problem driving home (We took the pickup – manual transmission – clutch – heh).   Hopefully I’ll still be able to spin on the trainer …

All in all – a great way to turn 34!

Like, groove on this, man, biking hippy, corporate hippy, life hippy

I just made my final payment on our 2002 Jeep Liberty.  As of right now, we are car payment free.

Lets all sigh together …

*aaaahhhhhhhh*

Yes, that felt good

Blogged with Flock

corporate hippy

A month or so ago, someone had purchased a bottle of hand lotion to leave on the counter in the women’s bathroom on my floor here at work. It was a reletively costly bottle (ie – name brand) and there was a note attached that said “Please help yourself, but if you do, please contribute to the purchase of the next one” and there was an envelope.

I think things like this are nice. Sharing supplies and expenses, makes sense to me. I contributed a dollar even though I’ve only used the lotion once. I like the idea that someone offered the lotion and wasn’t asking much in return.

Well, the bottle sat happily on the countertop for weeks without a problem. One day last week, however, the bottle was replaced by a giant bottle of CVS brand hand lotion. At some point, a note was placed on the CVS bottle that said something like “whoever replaced the hand lotion with this bottle, please put the original back” – basically, give me my name brand stuff back and keep your CVS crap. A reasonable request, I think.

So, this morning, the original bottle was back, and the CVS bottle was on the other end of the counter. The original bottle had a note on it that said something like “thanks for returning!”. I figured all was well in the world. We can be happy again, all handloation has been returned to its rightful owner.

And then I went to the bathroom after lunch. There was a tiny bottle of some kind of handlotion on the counter where the original bottle was this morning. There was a computer printed sign taped to the mirror and a dollar bill and some change on the counter below. The sign said something to the affect of “To the very kind ladies who contributed, I’m returning all of your money. The lotion has been removed TWICE and I’m tired of this. Apparently we have some very immature women among us.”

I kind of chuckled, took my dollar and left. I started writing this post ~20 minutes ago thinking that this was the end of the saga. I posted, because I thought “The Lotion Cronicles” were good entertainment and I wanted to share.

However, since I have a ridiculously short memory at times, I just decided to go back to the bathroom and check the verbage on the latest message because I really wanted to get it right – it was a good note. Well, here’s the kicker. When I got there, I found the original bottle back on the counter, all the $$ gone, and the computer printed sign removed.

I laughed out loud and left the room.

Blogged with Flock

corporate hippy

Every now and then I bring this window up and stare at the empty entry field for 10-30 minutes before I close it and move on to something else.

I’ve had alot going on lately, but just haven’t been inspired enough to post. Really, I don’t think its as much of inspiration as it is a ‘time and place’ issue. Either way, I’m lame.

So .. I was in Chicago last week for a training class… Since I was staying pretty close to Lakeshore drive/trail, I’d brought my road bike with me but didn’t ride it. Mostly it rained or was real windy. I did spend some time walking around the city, had some deep dish pizza, some large bottles of Fat Tire Ale, and made it through 4 whole days without getting in an automobile. It was a nice escape.

This morning I described this job (to my coworker) as being like a mental violation. I mean, the work is good. When I’m doing work, I like what I DO .. but the politics in this place are just unreal. Now, I’ve been around the block a little bit. I’ve worked as a contractor to EDS at GM; I’ve been a contractor to GM; I’ve been a contractor to Ford; and I’ve worked at a Tier 3 Automotive Supplier. I’m no stranger to office politics, to business politics, to crazy mindgames and manipulation for the sake of profit.

But here, there is no profit. Here, the organization is not run by businessmen/women. No. This place is run by nurses and nuns. This is a business envisioned by clinicians and supported by doctors. There is alot of emotion here. We coddle our userbase because we are afraid of them. It is the perception that our userbase (doctors, clinicians) are putting food on our tables, and therefore, they should be treated like saviors.

To make matters worse, our boss has been here so long that he’s forgotten how business-minded organizations run. He’s forgotten what its like to sit in the hotseat and be the hands-on technician supporting these applications and coddling our saviors. He has stepped the full step from worker-bee to manager. He’s even started monitoring our web usage. Lately, he’s been printing old HEAT tickets (IT Trouble Tickets) and leaving them on our desks for us to follow up on.

I don’t mind working hard. In fact, I like having things to do. But these mental games are killing me.

corporate hippy, geek hippy

“Who knows,” he said “I might grow it long again some day”. After years of long, pony-tail length hair, Nick now cuts his hair with clippers – no guard. “Yeah,” I respond “but then you’ll dreadlock it, right?”

“Well maybe.”

We got quiet for awhile. I wanted to tell him that if he were to grow his hair longer and dreadlock it, that I’d recommend he wait until we’re out of the corporate world. Dreadlocks in the corporate world are a constant conflict between the carefree, low-maintenance idea of dreadlocks and the ever-present need to make them look neat and tidy for the office environment – and the work that comes with it.

But I didn’t tell him this. Corporate hippy has become my persona. Dreadlocks and facial piercings are my ‘fuck you’ to corporate society. The look I carry requires confidence.

But lately, I feel like I’m loosing that confidence. Some days, I look at myself in the mirror and think, “god, you look like a lazy slob” or “these just look ridiculous”. I’ve been thinking, if I didn’t have to go to an office, if I didn’t have to wear kakhi pants and unwrinkled shirts to present the right appearance every day, I could let my dreads go, and not worry about how they look. They could be that low-maintenance hair that I’ve been longing for. But instead, I have the most high-maintenance hair style I’ve ever had ..

Some days, I just want to cut them off. Once or twice, I’ve seriously considered it.

But I need to remind myself, that being a hippy is not just about simplicity and being minimalistic. Hippys also stand up for what they believe in. And what I believe in is this: It doesn’t matter what I look like or what clothes I wear. Extra metal in my face and frizzy hair does not have any affect on my ability to do my job. Traditionally, hippys are against big-business and ‘working for the man’ .. But its been 40 years since traditional hippys fought their fight. My hippy movement empowers me to ‘work for the man’ without becoming the man. And to me, that is what’s most important.

Like, groove on this, man, corporate hippy